Did Vine just go over my head? I mean, I’ve been at this social game for a hot minute and tout the very “latest tricks” to those less social savvy (Hi MOM!), this Vine-ing thing I just never grasped. I thought that maybe I don’t have a lot of time on my hands or that it may just be another app that will undoubtedly consume my entire online soul but who cares if it fades after a while, at least I can say I succeeded at having the icon sit on my iPhone, right?
This thought process may have consumed the mind of plenty, perhaps even the tricky little mind of Brittany Furlan, my newest discovery I like to dub Vine Queen. No joke, her face filled my laptop screen for hours the other day after I extensively prowled YouTube, curiously stalking my new prey until I found ALL of her vine compilations mashed up into videos. I didn’t chuckle here and there, skip forward like I normally do cause shit is just not funny to me sometimes, no. For those who know just how much I love comedy (yes, I have a dream of getting on stage when I hit 40 with a baby on my hip for an open mic at The Ha Ha Comedy Club) believe me when I say her dark humor jolted my ab workout for the day. I wonder why she’s not on SNL. I also wonder how this Vine thing just stuck for some and the rest of us, well, better luck next time.
To my surprise, she was mad responsive at my request to drill her on her real life details, on and off Vine:
So, what’s up?
Nothing. Literally. Today is a day off so it is coveted. I am nestled deeply inside the blankets of my bed with my bunnies (dogs) and have no intentions of leaving this blessed cacoon for the next 24 hrs.
Can we get you something to vine…errrr…I mean, drink?
Haha! I’m ok. I have water.
What are you wearing?
Right now I’m laying in bed; it’s 2pm. I’m wearing a white t-shirt with a picture of a Yorkshire Terrier in hipster glasses on it and it says, “New Yorkie” because I’m really into puns. I also have on Nike jogging pants but I don’t think I’ve gone for a jog since 1996. Basically runway ready.
How late did you stay up last night?
Hmmm… I went to bed at probably 3am… Just like every other night. I’m kind of a creature of the night.
I think I’m a vampire… But like a vampire that eats kale.
Twitter or Instagram?
Instagram. For sure. I’m more of a visual person but you can follow me on both 😉
What 3 elements would your most perfect Vine video to date entail?
I would say, my first Ghetto Dora The Explora vine, which contained the viral elements of a homeless crackhead, a cheap wig and a dirty alley. I like to keep things pretty classy.
If Vine could resemble any film…
Gone in 60 Seconds… Except if they could change the title to Gone in 6 Seconds…
Has anyone seen you naked recently?
My boyfriend sees me naked everyday…and my dogs. Both parties are un-moved by the spectacle.
This may be a double edged sword since you freak out on Vine, but when was the last time you really froke out on someone?
I don’t really freak out in real life. It’s mostly all an act. I’m actually pretty chill in real life. But I strangled this girl at Starbucks for messing up my latte. No biggie.
What was the first thing you said this morning?
I rolled over, looked lovingly into my boyfriend’s eyes and said- “Can you please let the dogs out?”
How patient is your boyfriend with your Vine-ing?
He’s pretty patient. He wasn’t when I first started because he’s a real director and he’d be taking business calls in the house and I’d be shooting a Vine. If he was too loud on his call, I would yell, “Quiet on the set” and that would piss him off to no end. Ha.
If you could pick anyone in the world to be in your vines, who would it be?
Hmmm…. I’d probably pick like Will Ferrell or Melissa McCarthy. I feel like they would be good in Vines since ya know, they’re pretty epic in real life.
Are you listening to music right now?
No. I’m not good at multitasking so I’m just focusing on these questions as hard as I can while listening to the coo-ing of my central air conditioning unit.
Favorite Vine buddy…
That’s hard. I love so many of them. But if I had to choose one I’d have to go with my uber talented best friend Simone Shepherd.
Snapshot by Randal Kirk II
Last three Google searches…
Don’t judge me on these because I am a severe hypochondriac and always think I’m dying for some reason…. Ok here we go-
1. Can you die from not getting your period?
2. Symptoms of a heart attack
3. Heart attack or Anxiety attack?
…I told you I was dramatic.
What was the worst thing a civilian you include in your Vines say/do to you?
I went up to this big, tall queen and stole his grocery cart while he was putting groceries in his car and he chased me down, picked me up off my feet by my neck, and shook me like a rag doll. That’s pretty much when I stopped pranking the public.
If we gave you $50 what would you buy?
Haha! Wow! I’d probably go get my car washed because it’s dirty as fuck.
How often do you consume alcohol?
Never. I don’t drink because it actually makes me really tired and less fun. It has like the opposite affect on me than it does everyone else. Kind of a blessing in disguise I guess…
Ever sit down in the shower?
Always. I never stand in the shower. I sit in the tub part and chill, shave my legs, make soap castles, let the water wash away all the stress of the day.
What are you doing later?
Well, I’m still in bed and now it’s 3pm. So I’ll probably just go get some food in bit.
Can we come?
Sure. The more the merrier.