Miami’s Real Vice: The Opulent Barton G. Experience

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Very few things make us feel like we’re living in total and complete opulence. To think of it, Los Angeles proper can sometimes lack the luster of luxury outside of the Rodeo Dr. block, which almost feels too pristine to be compared to something with a bit more tongue in cheek humor.

dsc_9168 copyEnter Barton G. Hailing from Miami, the West Hollywood spot sits on La Cienega next door to Nobu (x6). When you first enter you’ll note the decor goes outside of the modern, mid-century or laid back environments the city is more known for. Instead there is a giant orchid wall, colorful backlit panels and columns and a mid-’90s touch to all the style preferences, making you feel like you’re in a resort lounge.


Once seated you’ll be handed a drink menu, filled with craft cocktails. What you won’t see elsewhere is their liquid nitrogen elements that cause the drinks to smoke for about five minutes. Once that show is over, you can finally take a sip. We highly suggest Sabrinatini simply because it comes with a chocolate monkey hanging off the side.dsc_9342 copy

Moving on, it’s time for appetizers. The food is meant to be shared and is always presented in a decadent way. Try something ridiculously rich like a lobster pop tart, or deviled eggs served in an imitation chicken coop. Other oddities include savory breads that look like sweet donuts and champagne oysters served in a sterling silver octopus platter.

Champagne, Oysters & Caviar 1

Settling into main courses, you have the option of a samurai swordfish, served with a giant sword for you to pose with, or lobster trap truffle mac and cheese, which will likely just make your mouth explode.

Samurai Tuna (2000x3000)

While going overboard on their rich dinner menu is assumably inevitable, you should actually come to Barton G.’s for the dessert. Famous for their Marie Antoinette wig of cotton candy that stands over 4 feet high, you can draw every bit of attention to your table by pulling that apart. More of a chocolate person? The chocolate treasure is like two pounds of brownie with ice cream and chocolate bars and edible gold, all served up with a graham cracker sand and small shovel.


This is not your casual Guisados taco shack or a hip Ostrich Farm locale. This is unapologetic ridiculousness that in all honesty tastes as good as its absurdity. Add it to your bucket list and find the humor in going beyond your means. That’s a millennial past time anyways.

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